It’s funny how certain objects convey a message – my washer and dryer, for example. They can’t speak, of course, but whenever I pass them they remind me that I’m doing fairly well. No more laundromat for you, they hum. My stove, a downer, tells me every day that I can’t cook, and before I can defend myself my scale jumps in, shouting from the bathroom, Well, he must be doing _something – _my numbers is off the charts. The skeleton has a much more limited vocabulary, and says only one thing: You are going to die.
David Sedaris