Eugene Mirman – Quotes

Confidence is the key

Confidence is the key to virtually everything. It’s just deciding that you’re qualified because once you decide you’re qualified, everything else becomes very easy. Eugene Mirman

A comedian is simply a different kind of therapist. A comedian is a psychologist and a psychiatrist rolled into one. Except I can’t prescribe medicine. (You still need a doctorate, which is bullshit.) Okay, so I’m not like a psychiatrist. Fine. But I’m still like a psychologist (except I can’t diagnose or treat mental illness). … Read more

In this time of

In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions? So was ‘talking dirty.’ Eugene Mirman

It’s important to prepare

It’s important to prepare audience for the worst in life. People come to forget their problems, and it’s my job, right before I leave, to go, Don’t forget: You’re going through a divorce and there’s a recession. It’s always good to end on a pensive note. Eugene Mirman

I don’t emphasize the

I don’t emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it’s truly a toss-away word. Eugene Mirman

Prom night can be

Prom night can be a special night, if you let it be. I know you think it’s for losers and something that popular kids do because they are boring people with porcelain hearts who don’t know what it means to be lonely. But you’re wrong. Prom is a chance for everyone to try oral sex. … Read more

Confidence is the key

A comedian is simply

In this time of

It’s important to prepare

I don’t emphasize the

Prom night can be

Sports bars are also

Think of me as

You wanna know what

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