Armpits

Most mothers entering the

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Most mothers entering the labor market outside the home are naive. They stagger home each evening, holding mail in their teeth, the cleaning over their arm, a lamb chop defrosting under each armpit, balancing two gallons of frozen milk between their knees, and expect one of the kids to get the door. Erma Bombeck

What all the ads

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What all the ads and whorescopes seemed to imply was that if only you took proper care of your smells, your hair, your boobs, your eyelashes, your armpits, your crotch, your stars, your scars, your choice of Scotch in bars – you would meet a beautiful powerful, potent, and rich man who would satisfy every … Read more

If you want to

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If you want to run for Prime Minister, you can. If you don’t, that’s wonderful, too. Shave your armpits, don’t shave them, wear flats one day, heels the next. These things are so irrelevant and surface to what it is all really about, and I wish people wouldn’t get caught up in that. We want … Read more

Let’s talk about how

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Let’s talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here’s an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dollars: For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your tax return around under your armpit. No IRS agent is going to want to spend hours poring over a … Read more

Hey, our hair’s the

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Hey, our hair’s the same color, I said, eyeing us side by side in the mirror. Sure is, Girlfriend. Eric grinned at me. But are you blond all the way down? Don’t you wish you knew? Yes, he said simply. Well, you’ll just have to wonder. I am, he said. Blond everywhere, I could tell … Read more