You become about as
You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody’s home. Erma Bombeck
Blenders
Economics played a role.
Economics played a role. Raleighs have gone from six fifty to nine dollars a carton, but there’s a three-quarter cent coupon on the back. You can get all kinds of things with them, blenders, everything. I saved up enough one time and got Al Bumbry. Earl Weaver
I don’t know how
I don’t know how a culture is going to evolve, but I think the way the Internet works now is, people go to the Internet to laugh and have a good time. That’s why Tumblr feeds and I Can Has Cheezburger and memes get thrown into the blender with real news and sports news and … Read more
What’s impossible not to
What’s impossible not to notice, though – it’s all around us – is the diminution of American prose: How pedestrian it has become. Pick up any short story and listen to its voice, the tedious easy vernacular that mistakes transcription for realism. This would display an understandable pragmatism if it were a pandering to common-denominator … Read more
Even though I have
Even though I have fond feelings for comedy clubs, I enjoy the focus you get in a theater. Comedy clubs are a different animal. People are being served nachos and there’s a blender going off in the background. Brian Regan
Eighty is when you
Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason. Bob Hope
When I’m 18, I
When I’m 18, I can finally order that paid programming stuff on TV. Like it always says, ‘Must be 18 or older to call,’ so I’ll be able to call! I can finally buy some blenders from the TV. Austin Mahone
I’m a mess right
I’m a mess right now I can’t eat can’t sleep Bills are piling high ain’t worked in three weeks Ain’t bathed can’t shave cause my heart is so tender like living in a blender I’m shaken and I’m stirred Anthony Hamilton
Let’s face it, though,
Let’s face it, though, anything that’s apt to happen to an appliance like a blender isn’t covered by the warranty anyway, so I never send them in. If it breaks, I’ll buy a new one. That’s the American way. Andy Rooney
Getting older is a
Getting older is a lot of fun. Right up there with chewing glass or putting your hand in a blender. Albert Brooks