Funny One Liner

I didn’t fight my

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. Erma Bombeck

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Emo Philips

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Earl Wilson

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Demetri Martin

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. – T-SHIRT Darynda Jones

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. Dan Chaon

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill. Christina Aguilera

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. Bob Hope

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Ambrose Bierce

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. Albert Einstein